Coping With The Silence

When The Guests Leave: Coping With The Silence After The Funeral

For the last one or two weeks, your life has been loud. There were committee meetings every evening. There were relatives sleeping on every mattress in the house. There was a constant flow of tea, cooking, phone calls, and planning. You were running on adrenaline, fuelled by the need to give your loved one a dignified send-off.

But now, the tents have been returned. The plastic chairs are gone. The relatives have travelled back to Nairobi, Mombasa, or abroad. The Funeral Committee WhatsApp group has gone quiet.

And suddenly, the house is silent.

For many of us, this specific period about two to three weeks after the burial is actually harder than the funeral itself. The “busyness” protected you from the pain. Now that the noise is gone, the reality sets in.

If you are currently sitting in that silence, feeling abandoned or overwhelmed, please know this: You are not alone, and what you are feeling is a normal part of the ‘grief crash’.

1. The Adrenaline Crash

During the funeral planning, your body was in “survival mode”. You were managing logistics, finances, and family politics. You didn’t have time to feel. When the guests leave, your body realises the crisis is “over”, and the adrenaline drops. This often leads to:

• Extreme physical exhaustion: You might sleep for 12 hours and still feel tired.
• Brain fog: Forgetting simple things or feeling unable to make decisions.

• The Blues: A deep sense of emptiness that feels different from the sharp pain of the first few days.

  Tip: Do not fight the fatigue. Your body is recovering from a marathon. Rest is not laziness right now; it is necessary.

2. The “Everybody Else Moved On” Syndrome

One of the most painful realizations is that while your world has stopped, everyone else’s has restarted. You see people posting about work, memes, or parties on social media. It can feel like a betrayal. How can they be normal when this has happened?

It is not that they don’t care. It is simply that their grief is different from yours. They have returned to their routine, but you are still learning how to build a new one.

3. Fill the Silence… Gently

You cannot force yourself to “get over it”, but you can make the house feel less empty.

• Background Noise: It is okay to leave the radio or TV on, even if you aren’t watching. The sound of human voices can make the room feel less oppressive.
• Change the Room: If the layout of the living room reminds you too much of the funeral meetings or where the casket lay, move the furniture. Reclaim your space.
• Invite a friend for chai: People often stop visiting because they don’t want to “bother” you. They are waiting for a signal. Send a text to one safe friend: “I’m around today if you want to come for chai.” You don’t have to talk about the death; you just need a presence.

4. Digital Connection

Sometimes, you need connection without the draining energy of hosting. Their memorial page on rip.ke can be a quiet refuge in those moments. It’s a safe space to just be with them… rereading old stories, looking at their smile in photos, or writing them a private letter. It helps turn the painful silence into a gentle moment of connection.

Conclusion: One Hour at a Time

When the guests leave, don’t try to look at the whole year ahead without them. That is too big. Just look at today. Or just this morning. The noise has stopped, and that is painful. But in the quiet, you will slowly start to find your own rhythm again. Be gentle with yourself in the meantime.