Helping children cope with grief

Losing a loved one is hard for anyone; for children, it can be confusing, frightening and isolating. This guide offers practical, culturally aware steps caregivers, teachers and community leaders can use to support children through bereavement.

Understand age-appropriate reactions

• Toddlers (1–4 years): May show regressive behaviour (bed‑wetting, clinginess), disrupted sleep and repeated questions. They feel the absence but don’t grasp permanence.
• Young children (5–9 years): May believe death is reversible, act out, or display somatic complaints (stomach aches, headaches). Play and drawings often reveal fears.
• Preteens and teens (10–18 years): May show anger, withdrawal, risk taking, or take on household responsibilities. Older children understand finality but struggle with complex emotions and identity shifts.

Immediate practical steps

1. Tell the truth simply and clearly. Use words like “died” or “passed away” rather than euphemisms that can confuse. Be honest at a level the child can understand.
2. Provide routines and stability. Keep mealtimes, school attendance and bedtime rituals consistent to help children feel safe.
3. Allow questions and repeat answers. Children often ask the same questions as they process loss — answer calmly each time.
4. Prepare them for funeral events. Explain what will happen at a burial or wake (who will be there, expected dress, loud or solemn moments). Describe local practices (church service, sending-off ceremony, traditional rites) so the child knows what to expect.

Culturally sensitive approaches

• Use community resources. Many families find comfort through church groups, elder relatives, village elders, or women’s groups (chamas). Invite trusted community members to support the child.
• Incorporate rituals. Simple participation—lighting a candle at church, laying a flower, or planting a tree—can help children express sorrow in familiar cultural ways.
• Respect intergenerational roles. Coordinate with grandparents, aunties/uncles, or community leaders so messages and routines are consistent.

Communication tips

• Validate feelings: “It’s okay to feel sad, angry or confused.” Avoid minimizing (“You’ll be fine”).
• Use play and drawing: Let children tell their story through art or play; it’s often easier than direct conversation.
• Offer choices: Give the child small decisions (which photo to place on the memorial table, whether to attend part of the funeral) to restore a sense of control.

When to seek professional help

Look for prolonged or severe changes: persistent withdrawal, intense anxiety, decline in school performance, self‑harm talk, or behaviours lasting several months. Contact a school counsellor, church counsellor, or mental health professional. If local services are limited, national helplines, NGOs, or university psychology departments may provide support.

Practical resources and activities

• Memory box: Collect photos, letters and small items to remember the person.
• Storytime: Share positive memories and simple life stories about the deceased.
• Plant a tree: A living memorial that fits many communities and the environment.

Supporting a grieving child is ongoing. Consistent care, honest communication, community involvement and culturally meaningful rituals help children process loss and rebuild a sense of safety.